click HERE for Bachelor recaps from previous weeks.
You know you don't want to miss Ben owning the runway.
I mean, WAS HE GOING TO KICK OLIVIA TO THE EL CURBO OR NOT?
Part of me definitely wanted him to send her packing (the logical part that wants Ben to guard and protect his heart). But if we're being honest, the part of me that likes to watch the crazy go down every week from 7:00-9:00, well that part of me wanted her to stay.
What can I say, the heart wants what it wants.
The episode opened with Ben putting the rose ceremony on hold and taking Olivia away for a quick chat. I remained conflicted on if I wanted her to stay or go.
But it took me all of 3.2 seconds to go from conflicted to being the campaign manager for
TEAM KICK OLIVIA OFF RIGHT NOW BEN, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS
HOLY KICK HER OFF!
Seriously, somebody needs to print up some t-shirts.
Or rent a billboard.
Or cross-stitch it on something.
Why did I change my tune so quickly?
Well, when Ben questioned Olivia about her relationship with the other girls in the house, she started off by saying things about how the other girls like to paint their nails and do their hair,
and that's just not her.
First of all, WHATEVER.
And then she said this.
And this is a direct quote.
I can't make this stuff up.
"I like reading books in my room and like THINKING. That's what I do.
"I want to talk (really long pause) smart (pause) things."
Ben was all like...uh huh....right....mm hmmm...
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many things.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MANYYYYYYYYYYYYY. THINGSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
I guess the smart things you want to talk about probably don't include a conversation about correct grammar usage.
Your "tears" aren't real. Nobody believes them.
Wipe that smug grin off of your face.
Shut your mouth.
And finally, shut your mouth.
And then, just when you thought you couldn't dislike her more, during her 1:1 interview she said this.
And I'm wondering if this is what Olivia means by "talking smart."
ROSE CEREMONY FROM LAST WEEK
The rose ceremony started with Olivia, Manda, and Lauren H. with roses.
Ben said something nice about how he values, enjoys, and appreciates each one of them.
Except for you Jenn, you're going home.
Which makes me sad, mainly because we never found out what type of small business she owns.
Ben announces to all the women that they are going to the Bahamas.
I know what you're thinking, YEAH, THE BAHAMAS! I've heard it's beautiful there!
Let me just say this, the Bahamian Tourism Board is going to have to do some SERIOUS DAMAGE CONTROL after tonight's episode.
Harrison showed up at the hotel with the date card and lets everybody know that there's going to be a 1:1, a group date, and a 2:1.
Becca read the date card.
What: Let's see of our love is "reel".
This left Leah broken-hearted because Caila was getting a second 1:1 before she was even getting her first. Ben sauntered in to pick Caila up for their date (most annoying spelling ever by the way) and Leah was visibly upset.
Everybody seemed to think it's because she didn't get the 1:1, but I think it might have something to do with the fact that Ben's shirt was unbuttoned all the way down to his naval. Which is not okay.
Either wear a shirt, or don't.
Ben and Caila spent the day together fishing on a boat.
Caila's miniature, and darling, and has the shiniest and bounciest hair ever.
After their day on the boat, they headed to dinner, and Caila spoke to Ben about her feelings.
They had a conversation, if you will.
I use the term "conversation" here loosely, because she might as well have been speaking Mandarin.
There were a lot of words coming out of her mouth, but no real and complete thoughts were being formed.
"feel....love....confused...not ready....totally...completely...not right...hurt...afraid....but maybe?"
America, will you please join me in saying "HUH?"
She went on to say "Your greatest fear is being unlovable, and my greatest fear might be breaking your heart. It feels like I'm going to hurt you."
Ben responded with a super insightful, "If you're scared you might hurt me because you think you might not be ready, please tell me."
Isn't that what she JUST DID?
Like didn't she literally just say those words?
Well, Ben was blinded by her darlingness and her shiny and bouncy hair, so he gave her a rose.
He then said "it's almost attractive that she can be confusing."
You won't be thinking that 4 years into your marriage when the baby is keeping her up at all hours of the night and she tells you not to worry that she'll get up with the baby for the 5th night in a row.
It would be easy to confuse that statement.
What she really means is, you better get up with the baby right this cotton pickin' second or you won't be getting any for the next month.
But I digress.
Who: Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, JoJo, Lauren H., and Leah
What it says: Love is unpredictable.
When the names are read off the card, all the girls immediately realize that Olivia and Emily are going to be on the 2:1 together. Which is awesome.
After figuring this out, Olivia says, "I don't wanna be with her. Emily, she's just, she's young. I don't know, I mean, she's like a bird. I mean I don't even give a $#*#."
Is ANYBODY making sense this episode?
The group arrived at a boat dock for their date.
JoJo ran up and hugged him, but we've still yet to see the classic run and mount.
They pulled up to shore and Ben announced that they were going to be swimming with and feeding pigs.
There was so. much. squealing.
And the pigs were making noise too.
Bah dum ching.
Let's talk about the pigs for a second.
All I could think about was where the pigs were pooping and peeing.
I'm guessing pigs don't excuse themselves for a restroom break...so in addition to swimming around with pigs (ew), I'm guessing they are also swimming around with pig poop (double ew).
There's a lot of dates that the Bachelor franchise has thought up that I wouldn't enjoy.
Top of the list is riding tractors in bikinis on a city street (Prince Farming's season).
But this pig date is right up there.
I mean, just look at what happens to poor JoJo.
I would have FLIPPED OUT.
And then I too would have done my best to get the heck out of dodge.
After they ran around with the pigs for while, things got all sorts of awkward.
Things weren't clicking for Ben with any of the girls.
But I was happy about one thing, we finally got a good glimpse of Ben's tattoo.
It looks like it's Proverbs 16:3, which says,
Commit to the LORD, whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
I'm not a tattoo person (not that there's anything wrong with being a tattoo person..I'm just not), but if the guy I'm dating or marrying is going to have a tattoo, a bible verse is a good choice in my book!
That night they had the group date cocktail party.
When Ben walked up he immediately admitted that he was well aware that the group date was not awesome.
He took Becca aside and and they had a good conversation.
Amanda was next. More of the same.
And then Leah.
In what seemed to be out of the blue and a total hail mary, Leah brought up the fact that Lauren B. wasn't the same back at the house that she was with him.
Leah, Leah, Leah.
You are breaking one of the cardinal rules right now.
Others have broken it already this season when talking about Olivia, but that didn't really count because Olivia is truly WHACK.
Lauren B. came up and unknowingly interrupted her very own bashing session, and for some reason, Ben felt the need to tell Lauren that one of the girls had been talking badly about her.
This obviously upset her.
Oh really, Leah? Because you just did. And in case you didn't know this, you are ON FILM.
Amanda got the group date rose.
After they got back to the hotel, Leah decided to sneak away to see Ben.
She claimed "she didn't want to talk badly about Lauren B.", but then all she did was talk badly about Lauren B.
The 2:1 Date Card Arrives.
2 Women, 1 Rose. 1 stays, 1 goes.
Let's see what the Bahamas have in store for us.
Sidenote: Is this the correct grammar?
Is "Bahamas" really considered plural?
I mean, I would have said "Let's see what the Bahamas HAS in store for us."
Because I would have treated Bahamas as a singular noun.
Is the Bahamas a singular country or is a group of islands? Or is it both?
I'm looking forward to this date because the dynamic between Emily and Olivia is just about as bad as it can get.
Remember, Emily feels like she's been "personally victimized" by Olivia (get in line, honey)....and Olivia just thinks of Emily as a bird and doesn't give a s---.
Olivia also commented on how young Emily is.
Emily is 23.
AND SO ARE YOU OLIVIA.
I will say, I did give the side eye to Emily's shorts.
I use the term "shorts" loosely here.
Emily called her sister and let her know that she and OMG OLIVIA were going to be on the 2:1 date together. And I'm left wondering if Haley has had to hire somebody to help her hold down the fort at Twin Enterprises while Emily is frolicking around in the Bahamas.
The 3 of them hop on a boat.
Where are your pony tail holders ladies?
A banana clip?
A chip clip?
A FLIPPING SRUNCHY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
And maybe a bobby pin for Ben.
Here's the deal.
Let's be honest.
Neither Olivia nor Emily is the girl for Ben.
But let's go ahead and see how the date played out.
When being interviewed, Olivia said, "He knows my heart. Our love is all consuming, ever present, and constantly growing".
She then goes on to say, "I'm very grounded. I'm very, like, in tune with my body. I like news and politics and religions, and deep intellectual things are my jam."
And for like the 13th time this episode, America is scratching it's collective head.
If all of that wasn't bad enough, she then fires off an "I'm in love with you."
I don't even like you and it literally caused me physical pain to hear you say that.
Ben basically said "I'm glad you are comfortable enough to tell me that."
Which, to a NORMAL person, would mean that he's just not that into you.
But who knows what it means to Olivia in their secret love language.
He then grabbed the rose, and asked Olivia to go talk with him for a bit.
And he left Emily sitting by herself. See her back there in the picture above?
We all thought that he was going to give Olivia the rose, but NO M'AM!
He told her that while he appreciated her being able to share her feelings, that he did not reciprocate said feelings.
To say Olivia was shocked would be an understatement.
She was however able to pull it together in true news anchor fashion.
Like, Ben and Emily jumped into a speed boat and headed to what I can only assume is higher ground and some sort of shelter.
But they just left her there.
In the middle of a hurricane.
The surf pounding against the shore.
In a crocheted swimsuit and booty shorts.
But don't for one second think that the Bachelor producers didn't request that their time in the Bahamas be spent there during Hurricane Season. Cuz that there is just good t.v.
Back at the hotel, Harrison waltzes in and tells the girls that Ben has cancelled the cocktail party and that they are just going to head straight to the rose ceremony.
I'm all like "SKIP THE ROSES CEREMONY AND HUNKER DOWN.
HURRICANE DRILL, LADIES!"
Emily, Caila, and Amanda already have roses.
Who gets roses:
Lauren H. (the KN teacher) goes home.
And I will leave you all with this...
THE REST OF THE SEASON APPEARS AS IF IT IS GOING TO BE
Before you go, a handful of things.
If you didn't see my SPRING BOOTIES post with UGG earlier this week, click HERE to read all about them (I think they are the PERFECT Spring bootie) and see me in the outfit laid out below!
ag skinny ankle jeans (ones linked are not distressed b/c mine are sold out) / v-back sweater
similar wrap bracelet / cushion cut bracelet/ tiger's eye slab pendent / wood earrings / booties
So my Sweet Pea Kut from the Kloth denim jacket was the first PTMT MUST HAVE I ever named.
I've worn it now for 3 years straight, and I love it just as much now as I did when I first got it!
When at the mall last week, I tried THIS one on.
It's from the same maker, but it's just a dark wash.
For size reference, I'm wearing a small. It's quite fitted (but it's stretchy)...which is
exactly how I like it!
Well, I loved it and it came home with me, so you'll be seeing it in plenty of future outfits.
jean jacket /happy camper tee sold out / $12 circle hoop earrings sold out /
wood horn pendant necklace / similar jeans / buckle booties c/o UGG, but also available at Nordstrom HERE (the color on the Nordstrom website says "Chestnut Suede", but I think the "primer" color is what is actually available on the Nordstrom site.)
Click HERE for all washes available in the jacket.
For size reference, I'm wearing a small in both the sweater and the leggings.
Okay, That's All!
See you girls back here on Friday!