Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Bachelorette Told Me To!

Before we get to the post, I want to say THANK YOU to everybody!
The last 2 days has brought me 100 new GFC followers (WOW) and lots and lots of sweet messages!
So, I want to thank all of you for all of the kind words....and
Thank you to Kelly for doing the guest post and introducing me to your readers!

If you are new here and want to catch up on the first 3 episodes, just click HERE.
And don't miss my SALE ALERTS (there are a couple of REALLY good ones) and announcements at the bottom of the post!

Let's just get right to it and skip ahead to possibly
the most akward moment of Bachelor footage EVER.
And that's sayin' something....because there has been a whole mess of akward
over the last 17 seasons.
What could possibly be labeled as the most akward moment ever?
When Robyn asks Sean if he wanted to taste some chocolate.
Sean had a nervous laugh, and I seriously wanted to go crawl under a table.
 In fact, I wanted to crawl under a table, rock back and forth, AND go throw all of the chocolate out of my pantry because I'm unsure if I can ever eat a Hershey's kiss again without having some sort of post traumatic flashback to this moment.
I was that traumatized.

Okay....I'm going to stop rocking, covering my ears, and swearing off chocolate for the rest of my life just long enough to start recapping the episode scene by scene.

Selma's date started out great.
Let's break it down and see what Selma was thinking.
Great guy - check.
Limo ride - check.
I weigh 110 pounds. - check
Private plain ride - check.
My boobs look awesome in my tank top - check.
Man, she must have been on top of the world.
 This is where it starts to go downhill.
107 Degrees outside.
Rock climbing.
Trailer park.
No Kissing.
Not kissing Selma had to be one of the hardest things Sean has ever done.
Even I wanted to kiss her.

Next up was the group date.
Let's take a minute to discuss the date planning that went on this season.
I imagine a brainstorming session around a big table where people like Chris Harrison and all of the Bachelor producers are sitting and some high-powered guy says something like
"Ok people - let's brainstorm ideas for the worst possible date EVER.  And maybe let's throw in the possibility that somebody might get SERIOUSLY injured. Go!"
Free fall from a building!  Volleyball!  Rock Climbing!  Roller Derby! are all
shouted out and written down for Season 17.
What's up next week?
Oh, I know.
Jump in a freezing cold ocean and see if hypothermia sets in.
Yeah, that's gonna be good.

Upon seeing the roller derby rink,  Ashlee said "I hope I don't die", and I totally felt for her.
Did you see all of the girls that would just be standing there and would totally bust it? 
That would have been me for sure.
And do you see Robyn fall down in the splits? Now that was impressive.  And let's be honest, I think it might have had something to do with why he kept her around. ;)

And now, before morving on from Roller Derby, let me just take a minute to scold ABC.
ABC execs....listen up......why in the world would you throw sweet Sarah into a roller derby rink?
Imagine me wagging my finger in your face.
Now, go stand in the corner and think about what you've done.
As my 4 year old would say while shaking his head, "NOT nice".

Although, I must say the whole roller rink thing did make me a bit nostalgic
for White Rock Skate Center.
All you LH people need to chime in here.
Ah yes...the memories of couples skate, ordering a suicide at the totally awesome snack bar, and watching your 6th grade friends make out in that little hidden corner behind the rink.
I could name names, but I won't.  Chris N. and Chasity.

The group date girls go on the second part of their date.
Amanda shows back up with a little bump on her chin.
Don't hate on her for playing the sympathy card.
Every single one of us would have done it.
And I gotta say, I liked her idea about saying her tonsils hurt.  Totally wish
she would have said it to Sean.

Robyn and Tierra start to spar just a little bit.
Robyn, didn't your mama ever tell you that you can't argue with crazy?
 Tierra starts to go completely BONKERS.  Like off the rails totally cuckoo bonkers.
Lots of crying was involved...
and she even threw in a random squat maneuver.
She looks as if she is in the throws of a complete emotional breakdown.
This girl makes my head spin,
First, she throws herself down a flight of stairs....ALLEGEDLY.
And now this.
 And I quote,
"I'm not bitter like that.  Nor am I going to stoop to their level.  I'm better than that.
I deserve so much more than this.  Why should I be tortured?
I cannot be tortured like this.
I can't take it.  I cannot take it!"
Join the club Tierra.
We feel your pain.
We cannot take the torture either.
I think all of America was letting out a big sigh of relief  believing that Sean was finally going to see the cray cray shining through and send her packing.
But hold on...WAIT!
The faces of the girls when Sean walked up to get those rose to give Tierra were priceless.
Lindsay (far right), I'm pretty sure your face sums about how America feels.
A mix of confused and horrified.
 If I was one of those girls sitting there, I think I might have pulled a Tierra and thrown myself down the stairs or off the balcony to just distract him.

Lelie H. gets the date that every girl wants every season.
She gets a dress and diamonds.
However, it was super boring...yadah she didn't get a rose.
Here's a tip, when the bachelor says "She has everything I'm looking for in a woman.",
that's the kiss of death. we are at the cocktail party.
Tierra just "made nice" with Robyn and Jackie.
And by the way.
I hear Tierra's eyebrow has it's own twitter page (as it should).  Ha!

 Catherine looks really pretty.  
Just an observation.

This is just about when my favorite tweet of the night popped up.
You need to follow @Posessionista on twitter fo' sho'.

Now it's time for the rose ceremony.  Nothing of note really happened except that all the remaining girls learned a valuable lesson.  An injury does not equal a rose.
Bye Bye Amanda.

And the outtakes of Sean in the Jeep were my absolute favorite part of the whole show.
When he said "sonofa%#$&" I couldn't stop laughing!  Such a real and hilarious moment!

 So, on to my outfit recreation.
Tierra Told Me To today!
Tierra might be a first class wackadoodle...but you can't deny that the girl is pretty.
And I happened to like her black shorts and her 3/4 length black button down shirt "going out" look.
I don't have a black button down.....
so I took black shorts, a black tank, a 3/4 sleeve cardigan, HUGE sparkly hoops, and some wedge patent heels.

And just for fun, I thought I would also try to recreate Tierra's general mood while she was wearing the outfit.  I think I nailed it.

Listen Tierra, Sean will eventually see your crazy and not offer you a rose...but chin up girl!
I will bet you 100 million dollars that the suits at ABC already have a bunk bed
reserved for you on Bachelor Pad.

Thanks for stopping by everybody!
Last chance today to enter the Stella and Dot giveaway is today.
Go HERE and scroll down to the end of the post to enter.  I will announce the winner Friday morning!
 Andd if you would like to place a Stella and Dot order
(or if you want to send your hubby the link as a big ol' HINT for V-Day), click HERE.

Also, if you are interested in winning diamonds and cash, then click HERE for the rules!
You can look at my Pinterest board HERE for inspiration.

Click to go enter a contest for a $50 Target gift card over at Mix and Match Family and another one at Mix and Match Mama!

!!!!!SALE ALERTS!!!!!
The best sale of all going on right now is at NORDSTROM . AMAZING shoes on sale!
  Click HERE to shop.
Go to the search bar in the top right and just type in what you are looking for (ex. "boots on sale", "flats on sale", "wedges on sale","heels on sale", "active shoes on sale" - I'm telling you, WHATEVER you want, they have it on sale at 30-50% off !!!)
BANANA REPUBLIC is 30% off today only online with the code BRSHOP30.
Click HERE to shop.
J Crew Factory has a super cute children's line they call Crewcuts.  Crewcuts for both boys and girls is all 30% off today!  (And there is an additional 40% items already on sale for ladies and men too with the code MOREPLEASE!)
And today is the last day for 30% off of full price sweaters and knits at LOFT with code TAKE30.

Have a great day!


  1. I have so much to say! First of all, if you thought the "chocolate" line was awkward at your house, try explaining it to your small children! So horrible!

    Second, I love the Roller Derby recap! They also thought...what would make this even more terrible, oh, we'll throw in a girl with only one arm.

    Third, that Tierra post is fabulous! I love your face!! You nailed the villain for sure!

    Fourth, I appreciate that you froze Pete's name on the outtakes part (he's one of my favorite people!). That just made me smile.

    Love, love, love your recaps! Fabulousness!

    PS: off to shop Nordstrom now...

  2. So many cringe worthy moments in that episode.... And I felt that Robyn's delivery was akin to my 7 yr old son's ability (or lack thereof) in telling a, so sad.

  3. 100 followers in a day--wow, unheard of! Love this post, made me laugh several times. I am glad the crazy girls are getting weeded out so that we can learn more about the good girls. Your Tierra outfit looks really classy on you!

  4. I just adore your blog! It's a daily must read around here. I just have to say I was just reading it and my 5 year old little boy came in and saw your picture where you were making Tierra faces and started cracking up. He keeps asking me to go back to those pictures. Hilarious!

  5. Love the Tierra outfit! You are right she may be a little crazy but she does dress well! A nordstrom shoe sale sounds amazing! I'm heading over there now!

  6. the recap. WHackadoodle is exactly what you could call Tierra...that, and a total drama queen. Over it!!! Till next week...

  7. I LOVE your Bachelor recaps (and the rest of your blog too). They are so funny and sooooo true! thank you for the entertainment!

  8. Oh my word, your recaps are hilarious!!! That Amanda moment with the tonsils, I died!!! :) And ps- I'm wearing a sleeveless shirt with my boots and leggings today- because Pinterest Told Me To told me to. :)

  9. LOL at your pouty face! I don't watch the show but I look forward to your recaps every week. And that would make a GREAT date night outfit. You nailed it! Thanks for linking up today.

  10. That recap was so funny!! I love it! And I was cracking up at the "getting a suicide drink at the skating rink". Seriously - that's one of the things I think of when I think of the good ole days at the skating rink! How funny! I guess everybody did that at the skating rink:)

  11. Oh wow... this. made. my. day!!

    Bookmarked (check)
    Love your blog so much!

  12. TOTALLY cracked up when you said that even you wanted to kiss Selma... hilarious!!! Great post today!!

    -Rachel T

  13. Yay white rock skating rink!! I had forgotten all about suicides. :) You CRACK me up.

  14. I loved your recap of The Bachelor. I just cringed watching when Robyn asked Sean about the chocolate. I felt so sorry for him, but thought he handled it well. Also, I think it was terrible that the producers, etc. had Sarah go on the group date for the roller derby. I don't imagine that Sean had anything to do with her being selected to go. I felt so sorry for her and was glad he treated her with such kindness. As for Selma, why in the heck did that girl even sign up to go on the show? Geez!!!

  15. You are so on the money! I was hoping you would address Lesley's makeup during the rose ceremony. Is it me or did she look like she was getting ready to 'hit da club'?! HA! :) Just sayin....

  16. SO hysterical. First of all, you look so cute in the Tierra outfit and not nearly as crazy, even in the second pic. :) You made me laugh hysterically and I really needed that this week. so thank you. PLEASE tell me you will do two recaps next week. PRETTY PLEASE!!! Have a great day!

  17. So funny, I don't watch, but do look forward to your funny recaps, it's like I"m watching it.

  18. Always funny - cracks me up. Love reading the recap. I really hope he ditches Tierra next week. Looney tunes. I wonder if the producers make the bachelor keep the crazies for a few weeks longer to keep it interesting - seriously. Sean seems like a smart guy.

    And oh - the good ole' days of WR Skate Center! LOVED that place. I hear its just the same as when we grew up - its like walking back into time when you go there now. You forgot to mention the awesome chocolate cupcakes they served at bday parties.

  19. I am pretty sure this has been your best recap so far!!

    "If I was one of those girls sitting there, I think I might have pulled a Tierra and thrown myself down the stairs or off the balcony to just distract him." and this was my favorite part! Lindsay's face was amazing!!

    I also felt so sad for Sarah, but I loved the way AshLee was there to comfort her before Sean did. That just shows more of how sweet AshLee is.

    What is your twitter name?

  20. Your recaps are FANTASTIC!! I agree wholeheartedly with all of them! I am attempting the recaps for the first time this year as well on my blog, but yours are way better! LOL The Jeep Outtakes were my favorite too!

    Not to mention your Tierra face recreation is spot on!

  21. LOVE the recap!! You had me laughing :) Have a great Wednesday!!!

  22. I made the mistake of reading this while in line at Target...I may have actually snorted and then received disapproving looks. Thanks a lot. Haha

  23. 100% agree on ABC putting Sarah in the roller derby ring. I almost cried I was so nervous that she was going to get seriosuly injured. Come on ABC, we love the drama, but bodily harm just ain't cool!

  24. Ahh, your face in the last picture in hilarious!!!!

  25. Tears.....streaming down my face!!!! SOOOOOO funny!!!!!!!! Your Tierra face....oh my gosh...classic.

  26. You're my fav. Enough said. ;) Hilarious!!!

  27. I found you through Kelly's post and I'm soooooo glad I did! You continue to crack me up. I swore off watching the bachelor in the past but just got caught up on all this seasons episodes because Sean seems like a really great guy. I'm so glad I started watching again because I really need the comic relief. Sooooo funny. I have no idea how he can keep a straight face and kiss some of those girls. :) Love your recaps!

  28. Love love love you! Hillariousness! So satisfied that you pointed out Selma saying she was 110 lbs! I was like, did she really just say that!?

  29. OMG... that recap was about the funniest thing I've read in ages! Pretty sure you would be great fun to watch the show with!

  30. Bahahahaha! Oh, heavens, this made me giggle out loud. Hilar. And you were spot on with everything!

  31. I totally didn't know you were from LH, and I'm not, but my husband is and I have heard many tales about the white rock skating rink! Too funny!!

  32. you are so hilarious. i love that you dress up like tierra. always awesome.

  33. Sarah from McKinneyJanuary 30, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    I think your bachelor recaps are SOO funny and the fact that you mentioned White Rock Skating rink brings back so many memories! I grew up in LH so I was there all the time doing the ghostbuster and "how low can you go" limbo skate!

  34. You made my day. Sooooo funny and true! !! Love ut blog!

  35. Funny post, great outfit, but my real question is where did you get the great black and white hand towel in your bathroom? Crazy I know, but we are remodeling our master bath and I love it!

  36. Hi Sheaffer,

    First I have to say that I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! You're hilarious! Second, do you have a picture of the shoes you wore with this Tierra inspired outfit? I would love to see them; shoes are my drug. Hahaa
    If you don't have a picture, no worries.


  37. Where did Catherine come from?? I felt like her and Sean have been secretly dating. I don't remember seeing her in any episode but the chemistry between them seemed real. They were so giddy and happy. She is my new favorite. Send Daniella and Tierra home---SOON!!! Sue O

  38. Love the Tierra face! And I had to watch the "chocolate"conversation through my finrrrgers! I was embarrassed for her!

  39. OMG Sheaffer- you nailed the recap today. I am at my desk laughing and people are walking by wondering what I am laughing about. Great update as always. Keep them coming!!!

  40. Award winning look on the Tierra face! Maybe General Hospital should call you up so you can make a guest appearance. And, I love the fact that you nailed the big hoop earrings too. Good stuff I tell ya.

  41. hold up, wait a minute! do you do these re-caps every week? i need in girl!! i love it. so hanging out with you here! thanks so much for the pick me up this morning, i laughed and spilled a bit of my coffee in the process of reading this post. :)
    following and seriously counting down until next week.......
    p.s. my favorite: i weigh 110 pounds, check. haaahaaaaaa

  42. I absolutely love your recaps! You're too funny!

  43. HAHAHA!! I don't even watch the show, no really. The crying face with your super cute outfit is hysterical. I'm going to visit next week for the shows recap, LOVE IT!

  44. Haha! I heard about your blog from Shay. This is hilarious! I usually wait 30 minutes to watch in order to skip the commercials, but I may have to watch it as it airs just to reads your tweets!

    And that black outfit looks really good on you! Way better than Tierra's outfit! By a mile! Lol


I would of course love to hear what you think! As long as it is super sweet.....and maybe a little sassy. Sheaffer :)

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