Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A Bachelorette Told Me To

 Two things need to be said right off the bat:
1)  I still miss Selma's boobies.
I think that should go without saying by now, but just in case it doesn't...
I do miss them.
I think a little part of me always will.
2)  And now I miss Crazy.
I guess it's true what they say. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
No "fall" down the stairs.
No neck brace.
No ambulance.
No hypothermia.
No emotional breakdown.
No eyebrow with it's own brain.
No fun.

That being's my recap.......

AshLee in Houston

AshLee is VERY pretty.  However, she dressed like a lumberjack.
 AshLee, you showed us last week that you have a SMOKIN' bod, so
please don't cover it up with purple flannel.
Don't you know you are supposed to be helping me fill Selma's void?

AshLee and Sean had a picnic outside and she openly declared her love for him.  Again.
I really like Ashlee, and clearly she really likes Sean. 
Look at her in the middle pic gazing up at him.
This girl is clearly smitten. 

After their picnic, they headed home to meet her parents.
Oh, and in case you didn't know, she's adopted.
Ashlee again starts talking in metaphors about her Polar Bear Plunge.
When she tearfully said "I submerged everything and I left it in the water.",
 I might have rolled my eyes.
Okay...I did roll my eyes.
I actually really like AshLee a lot...but my eyes just automatically rolled anyway.
They do that sometimes.  Just ask the hubby.
I'll tell you what you left in the water Ashlee....
your common sense, your ability to say "no!", and probably your outermost layer of skin.

One of my favorite parts of the show was how completely unimpressed AshLee's parents were with the idea of the romance that went down on the beach.
 Ashlee was all, "We rolled around in the sand.!"

And Ashlee's daddy was all.....
And Ashlee's mamma was all....
I mean, mama's look says it all!  Hilarious!
FYI, I tried to google search a graphic for "awkward" to put here.
I didn't find a graphic for "awkward", but I found something SO. MUCH. BETTER.

sidenote:  I think I might have gone to junior high with this girl.

Back to the date.
Sean has 1:1 time with each of Ashlee's parents.
Mom says, "What are your intentions? Are you going to break her heart?"
Dad good-naturedly threatens physical violence.  ;)
 And then, one of the sweetest moments ever.  Like EVER.
Ashlee's dad talked about meeting Ashlee for the first time and how he fell in love with her on site.
You was seriously heart-warming.
And I'm now wanting Sean to pick Ashlee more than ever.
And if he doesn't pick AshLee, maybe he can just break the rules and pick AshLee's dad.
Mainly because I think Ashlee's dad and Sean's dad would be BFF.
They could hang out in one of their beautiful backyards together, talk about being a pastor/reverend, and talk about how much they love their families.
I'm telling you...they are a match made in BFF heaven.

Aren't they cute together?

Catherine in Seattle.

Seriously impressed with Sean's fish catching skills.  Those are some slippery suckers.

The banjo dancing was fantastic, and I'm not trying to be funny here. Like I REALLY loved watching them do the little jig together.  They looked like they were having so much fun!  They seemed to be so at ease with each other, and for the first time I really saw a genuine spark between them! 

Sean meets the family and asks Catherine's sisters, "Do you think you could see her settling down?"
And the long pause and long winded answer seems like a BIG FAT "NO" to me.
Check out the sister on the right's expression.  This is what she looked like immediately after Sean asked the settling down question.
That face says "NO WAY  JOSE".
And let me say this, if Catherine were to ever run for office, I'm thinking her sisters shouldn't be responsible for her campaign.
They were all....
"it's not like she's dirty, but....." and "somebody needs to be able to handle her moods".
Not the most glowing endorsements for a future wife.
Thanks a lot sisters.
Still....I'll say it again....there was some serious chemistry on this date, and it was fun to watch!
And I really liked the coral shirt and necklace that one of the sisters was wearing.  So there's that.

Lindsay in Fort Leonard Wood
May I say that she's looking better than ever!  Don't you agree?
Who would have thought this this girl would have made it to hometown dates?!?  Certainly not me!
Her fashion sense has kicked it up several notches, and I LOVED how she wore the black skinny jeans with her brown boots.
Well done.
(More on this look later.)
The whole "army prep" was a little corny, but that's okay.

Her little baby voice shouting out military orders might have made me smile once or twice.
The worst part about it was that Sean had to sport a mock turtleneck. 
Lindsay's mom was just as sweet as can be.
Lindsay's dad might be a 2 star general, but I think he's just a big ol' teddy bear with a crew cut.

Desiree in Los Angeles

During the Bachelor audition process,
I wonder if the girls are asked to jump up and mount a producer?!?
I don't think I have ever in my life run up and jumped on a guy like that,
but these girls do it all the time, and it looks like they've practiced.
Desiree says "I want to go hiking, enjoy his company, and make-out."
Well said Desiree.

Sean and Des are cooking dinner at Des's house when the doorbell rings.
Payback is a B Sean.
Des's "boyfriend" comes in, professes his love, makes Sean clinch his fists (with a dramatic close-up) and then they shout  out, "Ha ha!  Just kidding Seanie!"
Sean was a super good sport.

Desiree's family meets Sean,
 and poor sweet Des might as well have packed her bags right then and there.
 I think her brother single-handedly took her down.
He seemed to have a major chip on his shoulder.

Listen up Nate:
We understand Sean is cuter, better built, smarter, and way nicer than you (and that might make you uncomfortable).
But good news dude, he's not trying to date your girlfriend,
he's trying to date your sister!
I loved it that Sean was able to keep his cool.  He very genuinely said,
"I'm sorry that I gave you that opinion, but that's not me, at all."

I don't know what Nate was trying to prove, but if it was that he is a total  and complete jackwagon, then he did a bang up job.
My goodness I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.
And kick him in the crotch.
What. A. Tool.
Too bad Tierra is supposedly engaged. I'm thinking Nate and Tierra could have been a good fit.

Cut to the rose ceremony.
Sean sends Des home.
So sad to see her go.  I thought she was cute and bubbly and lots of fun to watch.
Bye Des.  I'll miss you.

And to wrap up the recap, I would like to send an open letter to Des's brother.

Dear Nate,
You suck.
Desiree, Sean, and the rest of America

Now...before we leave...I want to highlight Lindsay's look.
If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that Pinterest has convinced us that wearing black and brown together is no longer a fashion no-no.  In fact, it is AWESOME!
Exhibit A, B, and C
Lindsay did it very well on Monday night when she wore a
cream shirt, black leggings/jeans, and brown boots.
I thought she looked great.

I mixed black and brown for the first time back HERE in the summer, and I really liked the look.
Now I do it all the time.

I think the easiest way to pull off black and brown together is to wear black clothing
with brown accessories.
And I think it's often best to go with a lighter brown vs. a darker brown for optimum contrast.
I promise you that you might feel weird the first time you do it...but you will LOVE it.
And it's not just for fall and winter, it's for summer too (see below)!
Actually, I think the summer outfit would look even better with brown flip flops or wedges.
More contrast = better!

if you want to try to rock the black and brown look yourself (and you totally should because all of the cool people are doing it), see below for some options.
Click on a pic if you're interested.

Brown Purse Options:
varying price levels...the left one is on SALE!

Black Clothing Options:
love ALL of these options

Brown Boot Options:
REALLY digging the wedge boots on the left.  A LOT. And they are ALL on sale.
Now is a great time to buy boots.

Brown Wedge Options for summer:
The middle one is my absolute fav.  LOVE the color and love the detail on the wedge.  They would look so great with a black dress, black short shorts, black skinny jeans, EVERYTHING!  They would also look perfect with everything else in my closet.  Yes, I think I need them.

So....we've learned 2 very important lessons today:
1)  Brown and black together are awesome.
2)  Never invite your stupid brother to dinner to meet your boyfriend on national t.v.

Lessons learned.

 you can follow me on facebook HERE
you can follow me on Pinterest HERE
you can find me on twitter at @simsslp

And don't forget to check out Shay's blog HERE for her city by city take on the hometown dates! 

Linking Up Today with:


  1. It's 4:30 AM and I'm laughing my butt off in my study alone. I can hear Andrew saying "why are you laughing so hard" from the other room. Well done friend. Well done!

  2. That poor girl looks like an Ewok!!! And I thought ABC changed my regularly scheduled programming to My Cousin Vinnie. Good grief, how was he sweet Roxanne's son? Love those brown bags!!!!

  3. Best recap ;) LOVE...okay, okay I'm now going to try black and brown together ;)

  4. Love the brown and black combo and of course I'm in love with all of those brown wedges! And of course I loved the recap!

  5. spot on, as usual :) favorite part = Nate & Tierra being a good fit!

    loved Lindsey's outfit, and I'll have to try the brown/black trend soon!


  6. Hey where did you find my picture from junior high? JK, but I did have that hair. Awesome recap and I'm in love with black and brown. One of my favorite trends lately.

  7. Ha, ha. Love your recaps, look forward to them as much as the show!

  8. you're so funny!! In your recap of Lindsey's date though, you called her "Lesley" a few times.

  9. Oops! I guess my brain is totally fried! Thanks for catching it. I changed her name!

  10. I'm a new reader and love your recaps...but please spell "awkward" correctly! Lol

  11. Hilarious! Tried not to laugh out loud as I read this at work!

  12. Love your recap & the brown/black outfits! I have been wanting to create outfits combining these colors and now you have inspired me to do just that! Have a great day!!

  13. ~OMGoodness. "awkward" pic girls hair = amazing!! hilarious!!
    ~Sean & Ashlee's dads are totally BFF perfection!!
    ~"jackwagon" may be my new favorite term!! lol! you're so right... Tierra+Nate = jackwagon perfection!
    and as always your recap = perfection!! thanks for the laughs!!

  14. As always, I loved your recap! Seriously, reading it is something I look forward to on Wednesdays! About mixing black & brown, I used to think it was so tacky & now I do it all the time. :)

  15. You are hilarious! I have 3 crabby/sick kids at home today and your blog just made me lol! Thank you! I needed that!

  16. I am still hoping that Desiree's brother is cast on Bachelor Pad 4!

  17. I love love your blog and seriously look forward to your recaps! Hilarious!!!! You mentioned above Tierra is supposedly engaged - well a friend of a friend tried on wedding dresses the other day in the same bridal salon as Tierra! She definitely has engagement ring on! She sent us a pic of her! Can't wait for next week!

  18. New reader here - love your blog so much! I was thinking the exact same thing about Sean and AshLee's dads; they could totally be besties!

  19. I love your blog and your bachelor recaps are my favorite!!! I am also loving black and brown together! Can't wait to read what you write next :)

  20. I agree! Tierra and Nate! :)

  21. Two things:
    #1: I TOO love black and brown together
    #2: You seriously crack me up...I think you must be my long lost friend because I agree love your style and humor. (Does that make it three things? Hell...I don't know)

  22. you literally hit the nail on everything!!!!!! love this. you are so awesome.

  23. Ha! The girl with the awkward hair was on Ellen in her "Bad paid for photos" segment. She was HILARIOUS.

  24. I really wish I lived in Texas! I would LOVE to be friends with you and Shay. You ladies crack me up! Love The Bachelor recap and I LOLed quite a few times. HILARIOUS! Thanks the blog!

  25. You are so funny! We have the same sense of humor (and style!) and i love it!

  26. You are so funny! We have the same sense of humor (and style!) I love it!

  27. hahahah!! Nice post! And, Tierra is engaged?!? I'm guessing she got engaged prior to the worst of her was shown in the most recent episodes, because that would deter any guy! Job well done, Tierra, for luring one in before all that before all that lol.

  28. Okay, I am officially biting my lip so I won't laugh but the tears are still dripping down. You are so funny. I love the post! Thank you for adding a little "sparkle" to my day! What will I do when the Bachelor is on Hiatus???? I guess I will have to go back and read your old blogs and recaps. :) I have just followed you on Facebook and Pinterest. Thanks again.

  29. Okay, I don't even watch the Bachelor, but I wish I did, so I could better understand this truly funny commentary. Well done! I'm glad to know that black and brown can go together because I just packed a bag for a week, and that is the basis for all my outfits.

  30. I have watched every episode of every season of the Bachelor, but your hilarious recaps make this season special! The awkward moment with Ashlee's parents was worthy of that spectacular hair image, and not many things on God's earth are worthy of that image! Your comments about Catherine's sisters had me rolling and thanking my lucky stars that I don't have sisters. The army thing was definitely more than a LITTLE bit corny. But let's be real for a minute. Desiree's bro kind of called it like it is. I completely agree that he acted like a big fat jerk, but I think his opinion of Sean is totally valid. I am a fan of the Bachelor (the show) in general and a huge fan this bachelor (Sean Lowe) in particular. But no matter how sweet and genuine the guy is, the idea of one man dating multiple women simultaneously, telling all the girls he's "crazy about them," and getting physical with lotsa ladies makes that guy a sleazy playboy man-whore. Don't get me wrong, I totally eat it up. (Me and the rest of America!) But I roll my eyes every time I think that ANY man who did all that (the simultaneous dating, professions of feeling, and smoochy with a gal one day then roll on the beach with another gal the next day) without a tv camera in his face would be deemed a douche bag by brothers the world over.

  31. Love it all!! this is the same dialog I had running in my head the entire episode. It would be too fun to watch one with you...the snark would be awfully thick. We'd have to make sure no one else could hear us. #sweetsoutherngirlsweare

    I like the spark with Catherine, but seems their cultural differences might make it difficult to sustain long-term. #justsayin #itsnotlikeireadrealitysteve #okayido

  32. So damn awesome!! In every.single.way! Am loving this whole recap so much!!
    I agree so much that he and Catherine have chemistry. They do. There is no denying it. She is my fave!
    We did a little ode to Tierra today. We couldn't help it. She just taught us so much! ;)

  33. Catching up on blogs today...this week has been CRAZY!
    Anyways....loved your recap! Thanks for the laughs, as always.
    Brown & Black is my favorite. Wouldn't have said that a few months ago.
    And, exhibit B that you posted? Pretty sure I am going to Pin-spire that outfit for next Friday!

  34. You are seriously funny! Found your blog via Shay's blog. :)

  35. You are seriously funny! Found your blog via Shay's blog. :)


I would of course love to hear what you think! As long as it is super sweet.....and maybe a little sassy. Sheaffer :)

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