Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Bachelor's Sister Told Me To!

I think we were all expecting a whole new level of crazy tonight....and Tierra and her "UNCONTROLLABLE" eyebrow did not disappoint.
It's like it has it's own brain. 

 (Sidebar..I don't want to brag or anything, but when I Google searched "Tierra's eyebrow", guess what I saw on the first page......
Yes, I know there are lots of randoms on that page....but I'm one of the randoms.
That's me in the neck brace, 2nd row 3rd from the left.

 It's like I'm famous!

I have to admit that I enjoyed the roller coaster ride to Crazytown last night courtesty of Tierra,
but what did I enjoy even more than that?
 I thought it was great fun to watch Sean and Shay interact on t.v.
They have a great relationship, and I think that came shining through!
 More on that later.

Also, I thought today would be as good a time as any to again throw up this pic of me with Shay and Sean last summer.
 (It was taken during Emily's season when a group of us watched together at Shay's house.)
Ya'll...I swear I went all CIA on him, but he was a steel trap.
I guess signing a 5 million dollar contract makes you keep your mouth shut.

Okay...on to the episode 7 recap!
This week Sean and his bevy of ladies traveled to St. Croix.
ABC finally thought it was time for Sean to strip off that grandma sweater from
last week and speedo up.
Just kidding.  Nobody wants to see anybody in a speedo.
A beach destination with temperatures that won't make your appendages fall off!
Fingers crossed they aren't going to make the girls pet sharks....or see how long they can hold their breath under water the longest and pass out to win some alone time with Sean...
.or see who can stay out in the sun the longest without any sunscreen.
Don't even try to act like those exact ideas weren't tossed around.

St. Croix is GORGEOUS, but do you know what is missing?
You guessed it.....Selma's boobies.
I miss them. Do you?
These babies would have looked SPECTACULAR in a bikini.
 Selma Alameri

Okay, now I'm just going to do my normal play by play as the drama unfolds.

This made me laugh.  She's the girl at the junior high slumber party that everybody wants to put her hand in hot water to make her pee on herself.

When Tierra sang "the cougar's back in town" I think she solidified not just the crazy,
but also the b*#chy.  Plus.....Tierra better be watching her back now.  All of the unmarried 32 year olds of the word are about to unite and teach this 24 year old a lesson.

AshLee gets a one-on-one with Sean, and I'm so excited because I really like this chick!
She looks SMOKIN' HOT in her swimsuit, and I suddenly don't miss Selma so much.

He asks her about the drama in the house.
She starts with the fact that Tierra's "not polite".
And she ends with the fact that she's a "pouty pants".
She seems to have gotten the point across to Sean, and that's all America can ask for right now.

Then Sean and AshLee single-handedly brought sexy back.
I think their babies will have tiny little six packs.

AshLee drops a bomb shell and tells Sean that she was married at 9. Just kidding, 17.
He reassures her that he doesn't think she is "broken", and America melts.
I thought they were SO CUTE yelling on the beach together (although she might want to consider slowing her roll), and I was a little confused by her floral Hammer pants.

 Catherine reads the next date card and Tierra gets told that she gets the other 1:1 in St. Croix.
And you're never going to believe this (except that you totally will) Little Miss Pouty Pants complained about it.
I'm not a violent person, but I wanted to punch her in the face.
And yank that cross off of her neck.
I can only hope the producers are better prepared this time and have Careflight on speed dial.
She might stub her toe really badly on a cobblestone or get "accidentally"
 impaled by one of the guys on stilts.  It could happen.

So, Sean gets some alone time with Tierra, and America collectively holds it's breath.
Will the crazy shine through?
@Posessinista tweeted this and I wanted to give her a virtual high 5.

Sean and Tierra walk through the city and what do you know, they come upon a parade.
Make no mistake, Tierra was excited because she was with her people.  Fellow crazies.

They are dancing in the street and he mentions her “great personality”.
In this instance, I think "great personality" might be code for something else.
Like, um, I don't know......"great hiney".
Eyes up Seanie Boy.

I do want all of us to take a minute and look what a cute couple they would make.
Just look at how sweet and angelic she looks!
Too bad her completely psychotic tendencies would get in the way.
Give it time and she will have a Lifetime movie made about her and her special brand of crazy.
Working titles include:
The Eyebrow That Rocks The Cradle
Make no mistake about it.  She would boil your bunny AND breastfeed your kid.*

Now it's time for the group date.  Catherine Lindsay and Desiree get woken up at the butt-crack of dawn (pardon my french) so that they could be the first four in the U.S. to see the sun rise.
I'd be all, "Can somebody get me a toothbrush?  or a Certs?"
and a bra? and more importantly a razor?"

And then they hop in the jeep for the road trip.
I wonder if anybody asked if they could stop for some Funyuns and corn nuts,
because I totally would have.

Lindsay and Sean get some alone time, and it's all good.
 Catherine and Sean get some alone time, and it's good...but it's also tragic.
We learned last episode that she watched a friend die when a tree fell on her, and we learn this episode that she has had a lot of issues with her father growing up.
Dez and Sean get some alone time, and it's good...but it too is a little tragic.
We learned last episode that she used to live in a teepee, and this episode she just breaks into tears for no apparent reason.
Lots of "good" goin' on, but nothing that seems spectacular.
Catherine and Dez both open up to Sean, but Lindsey gets the rose.
I think he must like that it's just "easy" with her.

AshLee and Lesley are talking about Tierra back at the house....and Tierra hears it.
I'm pretty sure Tierra's eyebrow is about to kill somebody....you know she can't control it people.
Sure Tierra...tell that to the judge when you are being tried for assault and battery.
I can see her on the stand now.
"Judge, it wasn't me.  It was my eyebrow, in the cabana, with the socket wrench."
Man, I loved Clue growing up.

Sean has a 1:1 with Lesley.  He says "Our relationship is not where it needs to be".
and they pick some fruit...and then they talk a little bit.....and then they pick some more fruit.
 Total snoozefest.
Lesley has had some good moments during the season, but this date was boring as heck.
Lots of akward silence.
I wanted to pummel myself with one of those rather large avocados they picked.
Scratch that.  I just wanted to make some guacamole with it.
Yes, guacamole always makes me feel better.

Okay...what  I've been waiting for ALL SEASON!
SHAY is in St. Croix!
And look how cute she is!  And look how happy they are to see each other!

I just had the best time watching her.  Did you guys?
She looked GREAT and handed out some seriously good advice.
  Although,  if you know her, you certainly thought she looked strange without her 4 inch wedges on and 20 some odd bangles on her wrist. 
Notice though that she was at least carrying her signature wedges.  :)

You do need to make sure you check out her blog HERE for some really great behind the scenes tidbits about her trip.
My favorite behind the scenes scoop is the story behind the outfit she was wearing.
Shay had shopped for her clothes.....I had shopped for her jewelry......but she ended up wearing none of it....so go over HERE to hear why...and to hear the story about what she was wearing!

Shay reminds Sean that girls who can't get along with other girls are bad news.  It was the one thing she told him before he left, and now she's telling him again.


Back at the hotel, this is what's going down.......
 Lots of good one-liners are tossed around.
And there is LOTS of hand talking going on.
AshLee says, "Let's get Nitty Gritty Honey."
Tierra says "Girls are jealous.  Men love me." (and it was then that I found myself wondering how many cars she has keyed and tires she has slashed in her 24 years)
AshLee says, "I don't know what planet she just landed from..."
They argue back and forth about character.
And my favorite moment of perhaps the entire show , season , bachelor franchise comes when Tierra proclaims, and I quote,
she "has a sparkle".
Further proof that homegirl is crazy.  Normal people don't think they sparkle.
And if they do think it, they certainly don't say it out loud.
I about died when I saw this tweet from @thecourtneykerr
"On a scale of 1 to disco ball....."
Then she states "I'm above everybody else, and I'm done with this conversation."

So, Sean leaves Shay on the beach to go pick Tierra up so she can meet Shay.
I cannot tell you how much I wish that Shay could have met Tierra and her eyebrow.
Shay would have taken one look at her and declared her mentally unstable.
But alas, the meeting wasn't in the cards.

Sean puts Tierra in the mini-van.....and let's be honest......
they might as well drive that mini straight to Bachelor Pad.
 Seriously.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.
Tierra, you and Chris Bukowski will be very happy together.

And as the limo drives off, Tierra declares that,
"Nobody will take my sparkle away."
(I really wanted her to do jazz hands when she said that.)
And you know who I immediately thought of?  Honey Boo Boo.
Now THAT girl has some sparkle.
I would pay good money to see Tierra and Honey Boo Boo in a sparkle off.

Wait.  I've gotta give it to her. She does look pretty sparkly in this picture.

The second that van door closes, Sean needs to turn around and run, not walk.
 He needs to immediately hide all small furry animals within a 5 mile radius. And he should probably hide knives.  And scissors.  You know what Sean, you should go ahead and hide ALL sharp objects.  And while you're at it, just be safe and hide all blunt objects too.

Sean sends Lesley home at the rose ceremony.  I liked Lindsay, but after the riveting avocado date, I knew it was her time to go.

 Now for the outfit recreation, I of course chose Shay's outfit to recreate, and it was super simple.
Shay is usually known for a handful of things while dressing:
wedges and bangles (as mentioned before), short shorts (and I do mean short - but I can't talk, I like a short short too), skinny jeans, and neon colors.
I'm telling you, she was dressing in neon before neon was cool.
She's a trend-setter people.
However, due to a wardrobe change (read about it HERE),
she basically wore my summer uniform:
Colored jean shorts and a colored t-shirt or tank.
Easy, Fresh, Summery.
Pink and green look great together and oh so summery.
(Check out Shay's blog to see who is in that pic with her!)
 You can find some hot pink or neon blue 7 For All Mankind jean shorts HERE that are on
SUPER sale!  Like 65% off!  There are only 5 sizes left, but maybe you will get lucky!

And in honor of Shay....a collage of a lot of great basic wedges.
I'm telling you, Shay rocks super high wedges with some short shorts.
And she doesn't just WEAR them.  She really does ROCK them.
I typically wear flip flops with my shorts and save my wedges for my skirts, capri jeans, and trouser jeans, but Shay's signature look is shorts with wedges.
She works it.
All of the wedges shown are under $100.  And a couple of them are 30% off and one pair is 50% off. Just click on a shoe if you're interested for the details!

And if I know Shay, and I think I do, she's not even reading the rest of this post because
she's already shopping for wedges.
I hope she's still here though so she can see that I want to take this moment to say a HUGE
"THANK YOU" to her!
Shay is the major reason I started this blog.
I was kind of toying around with the idea, but Shay gave me the nudge (okay, push)
I needed to really do it!
She is such a supportive friend (she usually is the first to comment on all of my posts...and it is usually around 5:30 a.m.), and I soooo appreciate her being one of my biggest cheerleaders!
Plus, I think it's obvious that her constant links to me have been such a big part of why this blog has grown so quickly!
I'm so glad I listened to you and took the leap into blog land.
And while I'm at it..THANK YOU SEAN!
It's been super fun to ride your coat tails a bit and have so many people visit this blog for my Bachelor recaps because of my round-a-bout connection to you!
And it's been great to watch you be such a fine example to young men everywhere about how faith and family are the two most important things in your life.   Well done!

And as always....
you can follow me on facebook HERE
you can follow me on Pinterest HERE
you can find me on twitter at @simsslp

It came to my attention last week that several of you didn't get my "she would boil a bunny" reference.  Click HERE if you want to understand.
And if you don't get my breastfeeding reference this week, click HERE

I'm linking up today with:

pleated poppy


  1. Love the recap! I've been looking forward to it all week! Now I want to go buy all of those wedges. I can't decide which I like best!

  2. Very funny! agree Tierra has a future on some kind of Bachelor show. My question is: why couldn't Shay meet another girl? I wanted to see/hear the sister's opinion of someone!

  3. Crazy recap and cute wedges. See crazy and cute really do go together!

  4. Bachelor night is one of my favorite things. Being able to read your recap on Tuesday morning is a close 2nd to it. Thanks for always making me laugh! Also I love it because it's a blog with no spoilers. I appreciate that! Keep up the great work!

  5. Cracking up! I have now decided that not letting girls take my sparkle is my new catchphrase. I plan to find a way to use it daily. Sadly, for me, I can control my eyebrows! ;)

  6. Her and Chris B would make a great couple! LOL! I can't wait to hear what Tierra says on the Women Tell All episode, they are doing one of those, right? All I could think about when she was talking about her sparkle is maybe she's a vampire! Glad he got rid of the psycho!

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  8. I starting laughing from your first paragraph until the end. So glad the DRAMA QUEEN is gone! Sean is a great guy, and will pick the right girl. Looks like more drama next week from a brother.......Maybe we could fix him up with Tierra? Loving this blog.........

  9. Love both yours and Shay's blogs...first place I go to the day after the Bachelor aires. TOO FUNNY...so glad the drama queen has left the show.

  10. As I watch the Bachelor every Monday, I am secretly dying to read your recap post the next am! IHysterical!!! And of course, your outfits rock as always! Thanks so much for giving me the push to have Pinterest help dress me one day a week!

  11. You are hilarious! I hope you continue your 'bachelorette told me to' outfits even after Sean's season ends...so funny that Shay wore her PJ tank top! Of course you couldn't tell. I would love to see the outfits she picked out. I'm sure they were fabulous. Did you know at the time that she went to St. Croix?

    So cool that your Bachelor connection has helped your blog grow...I enjoy reading it every day. It's a good mix of fun and fashion :)

  12. Ahhh! I just love you so much! You are so sweet and flipping hilarious! And a genius at picking out fabulous wedges...I'm off to shop NOW!

    PS: This experience wouldn't be nearly as much fun without you :). Love you!

  13. I laughed out loud many a times at this post...keep it up! I would love to see you and Shay at the Women tell all...you should both be allowed to question Tierra! A very small part of me feels bad for her...not really. Sparkle on!
    Morgan :)

  14. Your (and Shay's blog) crack me up! It's the first thing I read on Tuesday mornings. I love the play-by-play. You write...what I'm thinking :) Keep up the good work!

  15. "They might as well drive that mini straight to Bachelor Pad" YES.
    This is why we are friends!!!!! LOL!!!! I was saying the same thing last night!!!
    Also...love wedges, but I can't wear them. Well, I could, but at 5'9, you don't want me wearing wedges because then I would be over 6 feet tall...ummm, NO.

  16. This was an awesome read...especially listening to my daughter read it out loud with inflections!! She is ten and said "I like this lady!!" She has only seen a little of each episode, but knows of Tierra. Thank you Shay for reminding Sean of your advice and thank you Sean for taking it!! You are such a great guy we are all rooting for you to find THE ONE!!

  17. You are so stinkin' funny!! Love, love, love your blog!!!

  18. Hilarious, as usual! It was fun to get to see Sean and Shay interact...and put her voice and mannerisms to the face behind the blog! :) I'm linking you guys in my Friday 5. :)

  19. I swear you out-do yourself every week with these recaps!! hilarious!! so glad that you took the leap and started the blog ~ totally fun and inspiring!! hope you're having a fabulous week!! =)

  20. Ok, just finished watching...I keep typing words and erasing them, so you did a great job with your post! Three things- my four year old fake cries 500x better than Tierra- she can, at least, produce tears. Secondly, maybe the only honest words she spoke (to herself as well as the rest of us) the whole show when Sean asked if she was going to be ok: "No, I'm not." Um, clearly you have not been ok. Lastly, (and in all seriousness) we as a nation are in trouble if indulgent parenting produces that kind of sparkle...wow.

    I lied, one more thing. I liked Clue, too, as a kid and I'm secretly thrilled my kids love playing it now! :)

  21. I love your recaps - and your blog, in general!! PS-I want Selma's boobies!

    Heather Grace

  22. Holy Bachelor...I feel completely out of the loop since I have never watched the series, or the bachelorette...I know, shoot me now! But I am following along because I just love shoes...and I love wearing chunky heeled sandals and wedges with shorts all.summer.long. Yessss

    noel @ high heeled mama

  23. You never disappoint! And one must ALWAYS stop for Funyuns when embarking on any drive longer than 60 minutes. Always.

  24. This weeks episode was great. I started cheering when Sean sent Tierra home and he didn't even know the half of her craziness at the time. It was great to see Shay on the show. I also got to hear her interview on kiss fm yesterday morning. It was awesome! I can't wait to watch the home town visits.

  25. Soooo you shopped for Shay's jewelry :) Where did you find that cross bracelet she wore??? It's a MUST have!

  26. I don't know how you do it! You seem to have like a never ending bucket of funny! And it's so honest and refreshing. I just adore you. I'm concerned about the followers who don't get the references to "old" movies but hey I guess that means your blog is cool with even the you get hipsters (yes, I tried to make muscled sound like an old cougar, outta respect for old AshLee and the rest of us "older" women!) Shay was darling and so sound with her advice. I hope my kids grow up close like Shay and Sean!
    Awesome wedges you sent me to. Come on already, spring time!!!

  27. Okay, you need to be the official Bachelor columnist! Freaking awesome. Like I said before, I don't even need to watch the show...I've got you!! I am kinda sad now that I didn't cave and watch this crazy train.

  28. Sooo funny! No need for asterisks...you are so right on the bunny and the breasts! Ha!


I would of course love to hear what you think! As long as it is super sweet.....and maybe a little sassy. Sheaffer :)

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