Wednesday, March 6, 2013

THE WOMEN TELL ALL!

Okay girls....
first of all, let's think about what it feels like to be dumped by a boy.
We've all been there.
It's no bueno.

Now let's think what it feels like to be dumped by a boy on national t.v.
I don't know what that feels like per se, but I'm thinking it would be muy no bueno.

Humor me and let's keep going with this same train of thought.

 Think how we feel when we know we are going to see that boy for the first time after the break up.
Only ONE thing matters.
It is of utmost importance to look SMOKIN' HOT.
Am I right ladies?

Now imagine if you are going to see that boy on NATIONAL t.v. for the first time.
Yeah.
Give that a minute to sink in.

I don't know about you, but I would be buffed and scrubbed like you wouldn't believe.
I would be spray tanned, I would probably have hair extensions,
and I can GUARANTEE you I would be STARVING.
Why starving?
Well, a couple of reasons:
1)  When I'm nervous, I have no appetite.
2)  There is no better revenge from a break up than a rockin' bod.

That being said, I also want to mention how I thought Sean did a fantastic job last night.
It would be SO hard to face a room of women like that,
and I believe he did so with grace, patience, and kindness.

 Now let's get on with the recap.
****************************************************************
First off,  we see Chris Harrison and Sean crash some parties.
The crazy Delta Gammas chant "take it off", and he obliges.
All of the cell phones in this pic make laugh so hard!

Shay (his sister) tweets this:
That makes me smile. :) 
 
I'm ALWAYS a fan of Chris Harrison.  ALWAYS.
But let me just say before we really get going here that I believe he does his finest work on the Women Tell All specials.
He asks GREAT questions and is able to make people squirm,
but he manages to be kind while doing so.
He has a gift.
Chris went to my high school.
 I never knew him (he is a little bit older than me), but he is a fellow LH grad!
Chris!  Throw a little Wildcat love my way!!!!!
Seniors! Yeah! Let's hear it, Yeah! Wildcat spirit!
No?
Whatever.


Okay, time to welcome the ladies!
And just as suspected...the girls are lookin' FINE.

I think all of the girls look fabulous.
But I thought Lesley looked especially awesome.
 Loved the color of her dress and how she styled it with green earrings!
In fact, she was wearing my new favorite earrings that I got a couple of weeks ago and
talked about HERE.
 You can buy them for yourself, and you totally should.  Click HERE to do so.
I promise you, they will be your favorite earrings OF ALL TIMES.

AshLee looked great too (more on that later), Sarah showed us that she is beautiful inside and out
and Selma looked pretty as always....
but I was left to wonder why Selma chose not to wear a plunging neckline.
I'm going to blame her mother.

Chris starts out by uniting the girls by having them all talk about how they all hate Tierra.
I get warm fuzzies.
He then lets everybody know that Tierra is coming out and says,
 "Who knows how this is going to turn out or if it is even a good idea?!?"
Um.  We know it's gonna be a train wreck, and we are TOTALLY on board Chris.

Then they cut to a backstage shot of Tierra manually applying
what I can only imagine is some sparkle.

And let's all just say it together,
WHAT IS SHE WEARING?

There is no arguing that Tierra is a super pretty girl (on the outside, ahem),
but I'm afraid a couple of the other girls got Tierra's share of the make-up.

I mean seriously.
I'm guessing that Tierra was all set to play the victim, and she thought she would look more victim-like after spending no time in the make-up chair.
Listen. Even victims should have enough time to swipe on a little lip gloss.
And Tierra!  You are NOT the victim here.
Unless of course we are going to play the angle that you fell victim to fashion, because then YES,
you are a victim.
@Possessionista tweeted this:


Tierra is the physical embodiment of "I didn't come here to make friends."
Oh Tierra.
We get that.
Put it on a bumper sticker, tattoo it across your forehead, and
WRITE IT ACROSS YOUR FREAKIN LITTLE MISS NEVADA PAGEANT SASH.
 My goodness, I need to calm down.
I apologize for getting all worked up.

Harrison asks Tierra if there is anything she would like to apologize for. 
All of the girls lean in and wait with baited breath.
 Crickets.
And then true to form, she says:
"Off the top of my head....No."
"There's nothing I said bad about them and If I did, bring it to my attention and give me an example."
Um. Okay.
I know that Little Miss Nevada is apparently super forgetful,
but she does know that the show was taped right?
Tierra, here is the clip of you saying
"Grow up or I'm gonna beat the s*&% out of you b&#^$%@."...
or as I like to call it, Exhibit A.
Thank you Your Honor.
I rest my case.

Chris then enters into a conversation with Tierra about her sparkle.
Oh boy, here we go.
She says, "It's difficult for me because I light up a room.  I bring so much joy."
Yes, she actually said that. 
Like she actually said those exact words.
And I'm telling you, I lost all control of MY eyebrow at that point.

 Our Master of Ceremonies then talks about Tierra's engagement and very genuinely asks
"How did this happen?"
This is why I love him.

On a sidenote, who is this girl and why was she sticking up for Tierra?


It's time to talk to Sarah, and I think you could hear people all over the world say "Awwwwwwww!"
I mean, what a CLASS ACT.
Chris asks Sarah if she thought Sean could have been the one and she says
"I thought he could have been for sure." That was the sweetest line of the show.
Shay wrote HERE yesterday how she wanted to just invite Sarah over to her house,
 cook for her, and hug her.
Shay, invite me please!
I want to hug sweet Sarah too (and I would totally call her Sweet Sarah).
 I want to put Sweet Sarah in my lap and rock her, stroke her hair, and tell her that any guy would be LUCKY to call her his wife.
And after I do that, I want her to let me play in her closet.
The girl has a great sense of style.
And let's just take a minute to study this next picture.
I know it seems like a weird picture to post,
but this girl is GORGEOUS and her make-up is FLAWLESS.


Desiree sits down on the couch with Chris.
And I'm thinking America loves her just as much as they love Sarah.
I'm also thinking THAT is the dress that Selma should have been wearing.
Chris does a little intro for Des and says "....and then there was the hometown".
What he should have said was "...and then there was that time when your gangster brother single-handedly ruined your chance with Sean."
I'm thinking (along with the rest of blog land and twitter world) that Des might be the next Bachelorette.
I would totally watch that.
(Who are we kidding, I would watch no matter who it was.)

 Sean comes out and sits down with AshLee.
Things might look all nicey nice in the pic above, but AshLee didn't take long to let him have it.
She kept saying that Sean had told her that he had "nothing" with the other two girls.
Um, no she dih-unt!
This turned into a big 'ol mess of HE SAID/SHE SAID.
And listen, who knows, he might have said it!
However,
GIRL!
Even if he did say that....
don't you know Bachelor code?
#whathappensinthefantasysuitestaysinthefantasysuite
  I do however want to give her the benefit of the doubt.  As mentioned before,
she probably hadn't eaten in days.  And if she's anything like me, being hungry makes her grumpy.

I will say this, your hair has never looked better sister.
I now have a total hair crush on you.  You are right up there with Giuliana Rancic.
And Sean, high five to you for noticing her hair.
Just another example of how his mama raised him right.  ;)

And if you are wondering why Sean sent AshLee packing if she had in fact initially been the
"front-runner" as he claimed?  Well...here's the reason....
Sean admits to AshLee that he sometimes found it difficult to "find the laughter" with her, and I think that statement was incredibly revealing.

That was code for the fact that he was scared to death about a future of perfectly organized sock drawers, a land where one dirty dish in the sink could be grounds for no "extra-curricular" activities for a week, and the fact that every single thing in his home was going to be marked by a label maker.
It's okay Sean.
We get it.


All right, the show is over, and everybody is still alive.
Whew.

But before they go, Team Bachelor teases the mystery letter on the final episode one more time,
and @the courtneykerr tweets this:
 So. Funny.

But listen, I've got a HUGE spoiler alert.
Shay did not write him a letter.
I actually know who the letter is from and what it is about.
You are never going to believe it.
This is some seriously exclusive behind the scenes stuff right here people.
The letter says this:

I know.
Shocking.

And now, in honor of The Women Tell All show, I thought it would be fun to highlight some dresses and shoes that would be appropriate attire for the show.
Also, I know that wedding season is just around the corner,
and there are a couple of these dresses that would be appropriate.
(There are some that are more appropriate for just stickin' it to your "ex".)
 However, all of the shoes could be good to both celebrate your friend's nuptials and/or make your ex-boyfriend wish he was your current boyfriend.

First and foremost,
I think Selma should have gone with THIS dress.
Yes, this dress would have been a better choice for Selma.


Here are some little black dress options.  You can never go wrong with a little black dress.
Classy AND Sexy.
However, if you are looking for something a little different, here are some other great options.
The one on the left reminds me very much of Lesley's dress.  I think the black and white number is sooo darling.  And Des would have looked AWESOME in the one on the right.


If you don't like any of the above dresses, but you are in the market for a spring dress...click HERE for lots of fantastic options for work, vacation, weddings, parties, or easy weekend wear.

Now on to some GORGEOUS shoes ladies!!!!!!!
Here are some classic black heel options....
 
some metallic heels (totally sassy).....

some brightly colored ones....

and some neutral stunners.....


I don't have that many places to wear heels, but I want 3 of the above pairs SO badly.

Now...don't forget to check out Shay's blog HERE for her insight into the night!
It's good stuff!

And if you're new to the blog and want to read my previous recaps, click HERE!

OH!
One more thing before you go!
You need to HAVE TO click HERE to see my
Top 5 MUST HAVES for Spring!
My list will help you get a jump start on your spring closet with lots of great essentials that will take your wardrobe to the next level!

Linking Up Today with:
Pin It!

34 comments:

  1. You once again, totally nailed the recap! I never thought about the fact that AshLee might have just been hungry? That's the only reasonable explanation for her attitude. I mean, seriously?! That girl looked smokin' hot which was probably the result of her skipping lunch or something...and if I skip lunch, I'm the Wicked Witch of the West. And her hair...the Guiliana comparison was spot on! I'll be so sad next week for your recaps to be over...they make my day :).

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  2. Poor Brooke. She just felt the need to be heard since we never got to know her. And now we know why and can be thankful there was no more.

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  3. wow!!! what a great recap... u really nailed it, again...bringing me smile before i go to bed...by the way it's 9:13pm here in Far East... one more recap to go...til next week... have a good day!!!


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  4. I will be sad next week when these recaps are over! Highlight of my week is reading these and literally laughing out loud!

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  5. You have a gift. Your recaps are THE. BEST. I don't know if I'm more upset about the show ending or about your recaps ending...
    Carley

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  6. I read your recaps every single week, I think i'm going to miss them just as much as this season of the Bachelor after it's over :( You have the funniest way of speaking exactly what is going through every viewers mind! Love it!

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  7. You have ALWAYS been SO funny! I'm so glad that you can share it with many others through these recaps. Dad

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  8. Yep, I think you're right...there are few things more scary than a woman who is hangry. Unless it's a woman who is suffering from hanger and feels scorned. publicly. Haha Stay far away.

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  9. I agree. It will be so sad when the recaps are over. I really hope you still do the recaps when the Bachellorette starts. Praying it's not AshLee because I CAN NOT do a whole season of her metaphors. sorry....

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  10. Totally agree- Tierra should've at least put on as much make up as she did that perfum.... or, sparkle.

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  11. I'm with you...Sean's "find the laughter" statement was the hugest one of the night taking a backseat only to Tierra's "people light up when I enter the room". Gag me with a spoon. And Ashlee...whoa. Her interview had MY gonads tucked up tightly in my stomach and I don't, well...you know. Anyhoo, I think you might be right about that letter. Although I'm surprised it's taken this long for Selma's mams to speak up. :)
    Mindy
    www.thesuburbanlife.com

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  12. your recaps are such a highlight! major disappointment when thinking about the reality that there is only.one.recap.post.left.

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  13. You are the FUNNIEST thing EVER with these recaps! I am SO glad I found you through Kelly's Korner. Your blog is GREAT! You make my day! :)

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  14. AshLee's hair was AWESOME. And, you are right, she was probably super hungry. Can we also talk about why Kacie B didn't get any air time or get to talk? What is up with that?

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  15. Where do I even begin to comment on this??? LOL!!! I swear they better hire you for next season!! ;) And you know how much I love those S&D earrings. I think of you every time I wear them...which was yesterday!!

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  16. I love these recaps. They are so entertaining. And your letter = perfect.

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  17. Ditto on Sarah's make up...flawless! I really want Lesley to be the next bachlorette, girl had some great one-liners all season. You totally rekindled my love for the Bachelor franchise...I stopped watching after Jason's season! Love you recaps and your blog!

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  18. Ha! I love reading your recaps. Yes, the Bachelor Code. May it never be broken again...

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  19. Oh Sheaffer ~ if I could hug this post I would. SERIOUSLY. I always giggle and laugh and nod my head when I read your recaps and this one did not disappoint. :)
    Rebecca
    p.s.- I am SO glad that I was not the only confused by who the girl was that was sticking up for Tierra. I feel so awful saying this but I honestly wasn't sure who she was at first... a random fan? a person in the audience? hehehehe...

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  20. I LOVE it!!!! I just don't know what we are all going to do on Monday nights after next week!!!!
    Thanks for your recaps!!! They are great!

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  21. I am beginning to think that Tierra is mentally unstable. I can't believe after watching the show she doesn't think she did anything wrong. She truly is crazy. AshLee is clearly still upset. I'm sure she will look back on the women tell all and wish she had acted differently. I love Des. I am so sad she got sent home. I definitely think she is going to be the next Bachelorette. Keeping my fingers crossed. I hope her brother doesn't blow that for her too.

    Sheaffer I have LOVED your recaps. You are so funny and you say everything I'm thinking when I'm watching the Bachelor.

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  22. I am a 59 year old grandma and I laughed so hard reading this! Thanks for sharing yourrecaps with us.

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  23. I love, love, love your blog!!! You are so funny and always say what the rest of us are thinking!! Thank you for writing this!!! I look so forward to reading your blog after every show!!

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  24. Sheaffer, I don't even live in the US right now....I'm in another country but I found you through Pinterest and I've been following your post religiously ever since. Please, I'm begging you ....you need to continue doing these post...they are fantastic!!! I'm your number one fan!

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  25. Cute dress options! I'm on the hunt for a few good dresses.. :)

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  26. Hi Sheaffer,
    Love your blog. Love MMM's blog too.
    Have you ever noticed that blogs use abbrev's like BFF? Of course WE have. So during the last few seasons of Bach(elor,orette,pad) I thought that a new one was missing. Okay brace yourself, I use this one only one percent of the time.
    Uh,hum. You know what BFF means. But this one is at the exact opposite of the blog spectrum and there is, Yaay, only one letter changed.
    Ready? BFH

    Okay, think Tierra, I know, no one really wants to.
    I'll give up the middle, "from"

    Tee Hee, okay it's naughty, and I apologize.
    And feel free to use it at will.

    Ammunition anyone?
    Okay, now I have a seriously bad feeling about lightning.

    Your new fan, keep it up, PLEASE!

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  27. I'm laughing my butt off at Shay's tweet and drooling all over those heels! What are we going to do when The Bachelor is over?? You need to be writing recaps for some other shows too. Seriously.

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  28. Hey girl heyyy!

    First and foremost, I have to say that you're officially my FAVORITE blog. Literally. I'm not just sucking up.

    Secondly, is your name pronounced like Shay-fur? If so, how awesome is it for Shay to be your BFF?

    Third, I WANT SARAH TO BE THE NEXT BACHELORETTE!!

    Best recap yet!

    Keep it coming, sistah!

    Melissa

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  29. Awesome -- you and I share a running dialog of these shows! I swear it's all the same stuff I'm thinking...but my version isn't as funny. And is it weird that as soon as I saw selma, I thought, 'Oh bummer, Sheaffer doesn't get to see her boobies!" ;)

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  30. As always, I LOVE this post! Hilarious!!!!

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  31. Loved your recap! It always makes me laugh out loud! I will definitely miss you and Shay's recaps. What will we do next season??? It is so fun. By the way, did you find out where Ashley bought her shoes? I thought they were hot! I was hoping you would post them on your sight. She definitely looked like she was pulling out the "big guns"! She looked great! Des is definitely in the running for the next bachelorette. I thought Ashlee would have been too but I don't think she is fully over Sean yet... Ya Think???

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  32. Patiently waiting your recap of the finale and ATFR??????? Pleeeeease?? Pretty Please!

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  33. Ahhh hahaha LOVE this entire post! You are too hilar, Sheaffer! Especially about Des's gangster brother. That should make for an interesting Bachelorette season! Is he going to refer to his own sister as a "playgirl"???

    xo

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I would of course love to hear what you think! As long as it is super sweet.....and maybe a little sassy. Sheaffer :)

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